Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
