Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
