i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
