apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
