Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
