We need to rekindle our bromance
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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