Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
