I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
