Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
