I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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