i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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