I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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