so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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