I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
whose parrot is this?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
