Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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