i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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