6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
