i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
