Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
