a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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