I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
