Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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