My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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