im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your penis caused this!
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