Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
