If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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