you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
