Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
