All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm too high and old for this...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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