i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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