A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
