because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
