Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
