i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
