I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
