did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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