Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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