How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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