I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
