i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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