i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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