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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my nose is crying tears of wow.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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