He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
