I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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