I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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