My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
