you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
