I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
