There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
