Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
