Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
