I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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