Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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